Ok Last Post For Tonight.
Well Today has been busy. Not only did i have a friends birthday, where i met some beautiful people, and a bi boy, i also had my ex over.
The party was a huge success, it had music, food, drink, social, a little wadding pool to cool off in this horrible heat, but also a jumping castle. Yes i may be 19, but a jumping castle was awesome.
I am happy that i was honored enough to be invited.
The night went swimmingly with gaming talking and experimenting new things. I was amused when a straight friend of mine yet again indulged himself in spin the bottle and was quite happy to kiss other boys and in a rare occasion well 3 rare occasions indecently expose himself for the whim of truth and dare. Oh what glee. I was… graced… enough to have my own personal view which i was flattered. Alas the poor boy has still yet to learn t he danger of drinking too much’ *shakes head*. But children are young and make mistakes to learn, it would just be more pleasing to see that they learn from their mistakes >>.
Awe yes, the bi boy was very upfront with what he was confused with and asked me for pointers, Oo, which i explained to his indulgence, and i was taking abashed by his willingness to try. Oh woe is me, and red faced, to have splattered an agreement, only to laugh when his girlfriend turned up, tipsy and lightheaded with her drinking spell. Slightly disjointed, yes disjointed not disappointed, i endeavored to still get to know the lad and his girlfriend, (which i ended up adoring). It seems that people are affected by depression in such large numbers and yet still feel ashamed that they don’t seek treatment. The boy in question had his moments where his mood turned somber and allusive, ( if that is the right word, i am dreadful at English), and very anti- social. I understand, as i go through them stages as well but it was so sad to see it in someone younger then me. Then to met yet another lad who i swear was not in his body but away from it he was that empty. He would not answer or move and after sitting with him for awhile did he come out of his shell. The dear boy does greatly need someone to love him. And he was such an attractive guy, i don’t see how his fellow pupils call him unattractive. But i guess i am not in school anymore and nor am i a girl that follow trends.
The most mentally draining was seeing my ex. I dear say i do not have a clue why he came over after always finding excuses to not arrive. I don’t even know what i was think because its so emotionally difficult because of the drastic breakup. I still can’t forgive him for what he did to me and i can’t forgive myself for what i did to myself. It has been over a year though since the incident, so i assumed i had some strength. I did not find him as attractive, emotionally, as i did before, but i assumed it was to do with me being scared to be hurt yet again. But i did see the little things that i fell in love with. I guess I have to thank him because if it wasn’t for him i would not be as insightful and not as fucked up, but i am upset because now i am just an annoying clingy child that is emotional abrasive who scares and creeps people. But i am not sure, not sure at all.
I guess this is the end of this long post that seems quite unneeded, but it is because this type of incidents, is what i use as inspiration to my work.
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